Every person deserves to learn the intimacy of their own story. I am still learning integrating the full intricacies of mine. I share part of it with you here. 

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​My tiny baby self never understood safety

She learned startle over soothe, brace over breath

And survival imprinted within her soft heart. sweet

​And she stayed there, until my adult self learned how to hold her with the tenderness she has grown into; gentleness and grace

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Getting there was a process. And it still is. Everyday. 

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​​I was harmed too young. Every harm of a child is too young.

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I didn't feel safe for the majority of my childhood, and so, my life evolved into a search for safety and regulation for this little girl. ​

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I became a pediatrician because I wanted to protect children and to be a safe place for them. As their doctor but also as a trusted listener, an advocate, and an educator. For 10 years, I felt reward in this. 

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Then things shifted for me when I became a patient in the system. My nervous system changed, and I suddenly felt very unsafe/unhinged in a system I had trained and worked in. That changed the way I saw care, and it changed the way I saw harm. I began to feel disillusioned by an incomplete system of care that didn’t address root cause for suffering- more specifically, it didn’t address safety, trauma, or nervous system regulation, all things I was finding as pivotal in my own health and recovery. 

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This insight coupled with seeing a surge in mental health conditions during the COVID pandemic presented an ethical dilemma. The "band aids over bullet holes" model began to feel too unsettling and inadequate/ineffective for me to continue. There were too many "bullet holes", and they were across all age groups. 

So, I left. I left to rest, to reset, to research, and to reflect.  

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While dedicating time to my own trauma work, I also thought more closely about the many babies, children, teens, and parents that I had worked with. And I concluded that people do not feel safe. This is an unfortunate reality not an overgeneralization. Feelings of threat, instability, and stress are not outliers, safety is. 

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Children hurt when adults hurt.

If we want our kids to feel safe, their adults need to feel safe first.

So, root cause for me became about supporting adults and supporting their unaddressed childhood wounds.  

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Developing this coaching practice has been an interweaving of my childhood heart and my adult knowledge. I tried to create something here that I wish the child in me was offered earlier-safety and nervous system regulation. So, I built this for her and for all the other unhealed/hurting child parts walking around in adult bodies.

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I believe that we all deserve to learn the intimacy/intricacies of our own stories, of our own younger parts. Our adults self learning to support and care for our child parts. There is healing in that. 

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This practice is representative of what I have found after my own trial-and-error safety and nervous system exploration

A cumulation of growth, repair, honoring, and deep introspection. ​

An ever-evolving process of unlearning and re-parenting  

An exercise in disentangling and tenderizing wounds

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I offer you what I most needed and what I wish I had found sooner: 

An offering of safety exploration​

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I offer you this with humility and Deep respect (reverence)

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