What is safety?
"I don't know what safety feels like"​​
or
"I never felt safe"​​
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​​The weight of these words is real​
For those of us with childhood trauma, the concept of safety can often feel elusive.
It is rarely discussed and even more rarely embodied.
Trauma can disrupt our body's ability to feel, experience, and locate safety within ourselves and those around us. And when this trauma occurs early in life, such safety distortion (ie stress) becomes all we know.
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In healing spaces, safety is emphasized as foundational to recovery, but it seems to rarely be taught or defined​​ with any amount of clarity or tangibility. While safety does not seem to have a universal definition, it is universally desired by all living beings. It is part of our nature.
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​​​So, how do we find it? And how do we ​​​​conceptualize safety as it relates to trauma?
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I can tell you how I do it...​​
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How I see safety
Safety is not absolute​​​. We do not need to have 100% safety in order to feel safe. We just need the level of safety to feel greater than the level of threat​​​​​​.
Safety is not one thing​. ​It is not one "aha" moment that we need to chase.
Safety is a million little things. And many of these things are tangible. They can be counted and intentionally applied.
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I believe we can build a solid safety foundation by gently anchoring the nervous system with small safety cues slowly, repetitively, and frequently over time, until the felt sense of safety surpasses the felt sense of danger.
*The Core of my work*
Creating a "Safety list"
​​Creating a personal safety list can be a helpful way to make safety feel more accessible.
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This can be used:
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When you don't know where to start
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During moments of stress, uncertainty, or discomfort
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To practice safety connection during moments of calm
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At your own pace​​​​​
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We can work together to create a list of tangible safety signals that works for you. The 6 safety categories below are how I organize safety in my mind. These categories are not fixed, and there is overlap between them. ​Your organization of safety may include more/less than the things listed below.
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The goal is to gradually build your own safety foundation. With gradual exposure to more experiences of safety, the system can better create regulation and resilience. ​​
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Body
safety
Feeling connected to your physical body
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Somatic awareness
Embodiment
Heart
safety
Feeling connected to yourself
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Intuition
Emotions
Inner child relationship
Relational
safety
Feeling connected in relationships to others:
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People
Animals
Spirituality
Nervous system
safety
(including the brain)
Feeling connected to
your nervous system
states
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Self-regulation
Coregulation
Resilience​
Sensory
safety
Feeling connected
to your 8 Senses:
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sight, sound, touch, smell, taste, balance, position,
& interoception​
External
safety
Feeling connected to
your environment​
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Where felt sense safety meets tangibility
​​The process of creating more safety is done slowly and gently. It begins with one safety signal, one micro-moment of safety at a time.
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It is important to understand that safety is not meant to completely eliminate feelings of stress or discomfort. It is meant to make them less reactive. ​By expanding nervous system adaptability and capacity, these stress signals can begin to calm.​​​​​​​​​
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